Children and Animals...only

I was talking to Mama the other day about my youngest son and some issues he's having. As always, the conversation turned to "well, bless his little heart" and "well, you know, we never could...because we didn't have..."

"Bless his heart" is a southern sympathy phrase. Like, "Bless his heart, we always knew he was stupid" or "Bless her heart, she don't know no better". I use it and so do most other southerners I know.

The other phrases always tend to give me an emotional rash. My mother is the best victim I've ever met. She can turn anything into a reason why she "can't". Mama would love to grow some flowers this year, but her oxygen tank she has to carry for her COPD is too heavy. Mama really wishes she could have given me "more" while I was growing up, but Daddy wouldn't let her. She says she's sad about all the opportunities she missed in her life because she didn't know she could do "anything"... oh, and Daddy kept her from everything else.

WHAT?!

Mama knows this type of thinking drives me nuts because I tell her. I remind her that she made the decision not to work- that's why we didn't have a lot of money. I point out that if she'd taken better care of herself (like exercising, not smoking, maintaining her weight) she wouldn't have COPD. I mention the fact that she and I were living in the same house with the same man and somehow I managed to come away with a completely different attitude. Her answer? "Well, I see that NOW."

Except, she doesn't. She is a victim because she chooses to be a victim. It works for her. Mama taught my brother how to be a victim, too. It's not his fault that he's a felon or that he's been married 6 times or that he's a high school dropout. I'm not sure who's fault it is, but the fault in no way lies with my brother. Committing a crime or marrying someone with questionable morals aren't choices- at least in my mother's eyes. It's fate and there's no way to change it... but you can make it work for you as an identity.

Please don't misunderstand me... I love my mother. She makes me crazy, but I love her and do my best to take care of her without encouraging "victimhood". And, she knows all this already so when she reads it, trust me- it won't surprise her.

People who believe life should be easy want everyone else to believe it, too. It makes them feel better about the path they've chosen. Governments and religions also like "victims". It's much easier to keep a handle on a victim than an independent person. If it's God's will, then there's nothing you can do about it. If you depend on the government for your health care, make sure you vote for the political party that provided it or it MIGHT be taken away...

In the words of our President: Let me be clear... there are only two categories of victims in this world. Children, who don't ask to be born and can't defend themselves, are the first. Animals who depend on humans for food, shelter and kindness are the second. Everybody else is blessed with free will and the opportunities to make his or her life productive.

I tell my children every day that we all have challenges, but it's how we handle those challenges that shows our character. I try to show my boys the relationship between the choices they make and the effect it has on their situation. I will not raise victims.

How do you handle your challenges?

I'm just sayin'...